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I Hereby Resolve . . .

By H. L. Moonbeam (a.k.a. Space Curmudgeon)

Dear Diary:

It’s close to midnight and soon the year 2005 will begin. 2004 was a pretty good one for the space activist community. Two rovers explored Mars for an entire year. We are promised a human exploration initiative that will return men to the Moon (too bad that new strip mall sits where one of the factories that built Apollo used to be), and then onto Mars. I can hear the bean-counters sharpening their pencils now, “Gee Mr. Moonbeam, we’d like to send you to Mars for about the same cost as Spirit and Opportunity. How long can you hold your breath?” Spaceship One opened the door to space for the common man. (Across their dinner tables, hundreds of couples are enjoying conversations like, “Honey, I know it’s expensive. We can afford the price of a ticket by moving in with my parents, and sending you and the kids to work cleaning pens at the local zoo. But think of the great time I’ll be having!”)

No, stop. I need a positive attitude. There’s no room in space for curmudgeons. The only way my snarling cynicism will ever get me in a spaceship is because people will pay to throw me out the airlock. Even then, I’d probably have to pay for my own seat. No, Diary, it’s time to make changes. I’m rolling out the New Year’s resolution spreadsheet. Promises I make will be promises I keep—this year, for sure.

Ahem!

RESOLUTION: I promise to give generously of my money and time to all space activist groups deserving my whole-hearted support. Good. There are at least seven organizations that . . . no, better make that six organizations that have earned themselves a donation. Tomorrow, first thing, I’m dropping five generous checks in the mail. Wait. My checkbook’s nearly empty and I need one to buy more. Anyway, once my new checks come in, three generous donations go straight into the mail. Of course, donating my time would be as good as donating money. I have valuable skills to offer the space activist community.

REMINDER: Volunteer my time as a fundraiser.

RESOLUTION: I promise to invest a sizable portion of my retirement fund into startup, high-risk commercial space businesses. Comforted that my hard-earned savings allowed bold entrepreneurs to promote space development for future generations, the evenings of golden years will be spent in quiet satisfaction gazing upward at the stars from the deck of my sailboat. And as the stars guide me on my journey . . . Wait a minute. High-risk investments might mean I wouldn’t have a sailboat! Let me rethink this.

AMENDED RESOLUTION: I promise to invest a moderate portion of my vacation fund into struggling, medium-risk commercial space businesses.

Uhh, struggling, hmm . . .

FURTHER AMENDED RESOLUTION: I promise to invest a small portion of my bowling fund into ROBUST, LOW-RISK businesses that may, at some point in time, contribute to space development, provided they offer a rate-of-return comparable to larger mutual funds.

RESOLUTION: I promise to regularly write my congressman on matters of space legislation and to further urge fellow members of both space activist organizations which I enthusiastically, (but not financially), support to do the same. That is, providing the cost of stamps don’t go up. If they do, a postcard will suffice.

REMINDER: Check the top right drawer of my bureau. Do I still have a few postcards left from the Grand Canyon?

RESOLUTION: I promise to treat the viewpoints of all other space activists with the same respect with which I treat my own.

AMENDED RESOLUTION: I promise to treat the viewpoints of all other space activists with the same respect with which they treat my own.

FURTHER AMENDED RESOLUTION: I promise not to yell.

Diary, it’s late, and important long-term commitments require clear thought. I promise to continue work on 2005 resolutions, but to really understand my long-range goals I must refer back to my 2004 resolutions. I believe they are propping up the water heater.

That’s all for now. Sure glad my New Year’s resolutions are firming up better than last year’s.